if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
