I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize