So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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