she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
