There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
