Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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