Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
