Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
