Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
