Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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