You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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