Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
