Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
