last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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