i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
