I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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