Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
