my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
