OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize