My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
