sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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