and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
