I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
