I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
