if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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