My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want nice things and good sex
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
