Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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