Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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