That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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