i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
