Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
