I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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