i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
