when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
