someone threw a dead crab at me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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