Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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