Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
