Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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