We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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