There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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