Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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