I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
