I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
