i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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