I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
