dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
