Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
