Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize