just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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