Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
