im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
