Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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