just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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