She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
