How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
