Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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