Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
