I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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