OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
