The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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