Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
