Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
