i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
