I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
