I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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