this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
