Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
