i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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