Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
