I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
