I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
