After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
