you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
