It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
