and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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