White coat. Heels.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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