Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
