bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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