I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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