I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize