So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
